Every morning when I wake up, I can't help but wonder about a few things. About why I'm still alive, about why God chooses to keep me in this wretched, empty world; about why He can't just choose to take me to safety in heaven now, since I'm already going there, anyway. Truth is, I just want to leave this all behind. These thoughts might sound selfish, but they're honest. I refuse to deny and lie about these thoughts in front of anyone, especially God. In fact, I don't believe that being honest and respectful with Him is a sin, because it simply is not. Jesus even brought His deepest sorrows to the Father in Gethsemane.
In the Bible, it says, "to live is Christ, and to die is gain (Philippians 1:21)." Such words are so overpowering and edifying that they break me to pieces. The apostle Paul stated here that while he was still alive, his purpose was to serve the Lord, and if he died, that would mean entering heaven's gates. Either way, Paul was joyous. Though he was tried at many, many, different points, he pursued in faith. He "considered his present sufferings were not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in him (Romans 8:18)." "In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted (2ndTimothy 3:12)."
Therefore, I'm not anymore surprised with how those who refuse to believe will treat me. "Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil (John 3:19)." I just hate this world and the evil it brings! I'm sure that every believer has had their times wishing God would just take them at this very moment, whether it be because of worship, because of emptiness, because of despair, because of brokenness. I personally wish at times to enter heaven and be with my Creator than to spend any more time in this vile place, knowing I'll keep falling or even diving into sin, disappointing Him, or to have to face the stubborness of my persecutors. However, every true believer would just put his/her full trust in God, for He knows best. Besides, "the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, but blessed be the name of the Lord! (Job 1:21b)." Though at times I wish so much for paradise, I just can't help but smile at the fact that God's still going to use me to glorify His holy name! His will always be done.
Every believer is a warrior fighting for the cause of God's name. Within every believer is a raging battle that is decided with how much faith one puts in God. Believing in Christ, I tell you, will not render total victory over all present or future battles. These battles will be even more real and difficult once one starts believing. Choosing to believe in Christ's salvation, rather reduces the number of battles lost. God never said it was easy, only that we won't be lonely when we step up for His name. We must "put on the full armor of God so that we can take our stand against the devil's schemes (Ephesians 6:11)." These battles are against the devil himself, so it will be difficult. Putting on this spiritual armor and pcking up "the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God (Ephesians 6:17)" also means knowing that God's already overcome it all, that all that's left is to trust Him with whatever outcome a battle may be, knowing that in the end, the war will be over, where we are on the winning side, and "the old order of things will pass away (Revelation 21:4b)."
Yes, I am encouraged to face the fight, but my hatred toward the things the world offers, and the fact that most of the people on earth are abiding with these things is still present. However, God's so good, He's constantly reminding me He's overcome it all, that nothing is because of anything I've ever done, but because I choose to be on God's side, and that my trust and faith in Him means I'm going to be part of something colossal which will bring further glory to His name!
My battles are far from over. God's light will keep on shining in me. I'm a little soldier boy, standing with my Father, learning from Him the way of the sword before, during, and after a struggle. I'm loved by the Lord, and I will fight until the end. Then when the end of my stay here on earth finally comes for me, I will be one of the little warriors marching home after our last battle's been won, running into Daddy's arms unharmed, and hearing Him say as He cradles me in His hands, "You fought well, brave one."
